This post is part of 805's “My Home Library” series that features writers and artists enjoying their home libraries during the pandemic and beyond.
I am all for what pharmaceuticals give us, but I am not all for what pharmaceuticals take away
Our heroes find paychecks here, our heroes find throats here
It’s interesting how life serves us
Each paneled page a devil in artists clothing
Each devil paneled in pharmaceutical clothing
I am all for what artists give us, and I am all for what artists take away
The last time I was diagnosed was on page 316, 317, 318 and 319 of The Joker the New 52
The last time I was depressed was at the age of 42. I am 42.
I can’t tell the art from the pills anymore
I don’t know how to color in that kind of lie
I can’t tell the poems from the pills anymore
I don’t know how to scream that kind of lie
I can’t tell the capitalist from the provider anymore
It’s interesting how life tricks us
Into believing in us
It’s interesting how believing in us
Tricks me
Into thinking there will always be a rabbit in the hat
Into thinking I didn’t snuff that bunny from hoping long ago.
What doesn’t kill you will only make you long for the day that does
What helps you live will only make you long for the day that did
Trying to pick up your prescriptions at the comic bookstore
Trying to pick up your subscriptions at the pharmacy
It’s interesting how life serves us
We often look to our heroes by the milligram
We often look for our healing at the pharmacy
And even when I read my comic books, I am high
And even when I take my pills, I am high
And even
And even
And even
Is all I want to be
Is all I want to read
About how the damaged always win
About how the damaged are medicated into believing they always win
Thomas Fucaloro is the winner of a performance grant from the Staten Island Council of the Arts and the NYC Department of Cultural Affairs and has been on six national slam teams. He holds an MFA in creative writing from the New School and is a co-founding editor of Great Weather for Media and NYSAI press. He is an adjunct professor at Wagner College and BMCC where he teaches world lit and advanced creative writing.